Have you denied your inner voice, only to be sorry for it?
Ever get a churning or pit in your stomach urging you not to do something?
Did you do something knowing full-well you should’ve taken a different route?
I’ve ignored my intuition and it had a monumental impact on my Life.
It was life altering, to be exact.
Apprehensions are Not Butterflies
It was the wedding day of what I’ve come to call my ‘starter marriage’. (You know, kind of like a ‘starter house’.)
I had a sense of dread the whole day.
Not excitement, not wedding day jitters, but dread; as in you’re making a mistake, a big, fat mistake. And you’re going to pay for it for years to come, if you go through with these foolish plans.
I took my birth mother aside and tried to share what I was feeling.
Her response was, ‘Nonsense. You’re talking complete and utter nonsense. We have a church full of people waiting for you and a huge party with tons of food that’s paid-in-full. You’re not backing out of this now. You’ve chosen this man, for better or worse and you’ve forced us to accept him, too.’
Instead of quelling the foreboding I felt, her words became a huge red flag waving before me.
So what did I do?
I disregarded the signs I was given.
Playing the role of the ‘good girl’, not wanting to make either waves or a scene, I soldiered on.
Blind to All the Signs
I married my first husband and off we went on our honeymoon.
Money was extremely tight, so we drove 2000 miles on our barebones getaway. I could write a book filled with the series of pathetic situations we found ourselves in while on our nuptial vacation. Hardly the dream trip you see featured in all the glossy bridal magazines.
Looking back, I now see each of these fiascos as oracles handed down from the gods on the fate of our future.
Yet, based on the conversation I had with my mother, I was determined to make the best of a bad situation. I persisted to see something that wasn’t there; something hopeful and positive that never once had a chance of coming true for us.
My gut knew the truth on the wedding day and it screamed like hell, trying to get my attention.
My intuition tried to get me to choose another path. My inner knowing wanted me to get off at the nearest exit.
It tried to tell me to take off running like Elaine in the movie ‘The Graduate’ or Maggie in ‘The Runaway Bride’.
But I didn’t listen.
Wanting to do the right thing, I did what was undeniably and irrefutably wrong for me.
I denied my truth and compromised my personal integrity.
I ignored all the signs and surged past the warnings en route to years of perpetual Life Lessons.
The Nagging Voice Continues
A day after returning from our honeymoon, I headed over to my birth mother’s house to talk. The menacing premonition was still hounding me and I hoped to convince her of this.
I explained how and why this marriage was a mistake. She listened quietly and finally said, ‘You’ve made your bed, you lie in it.’
I pled my case in greater detail, desperate to win her support.
She looked me in the eye and shared, ‘Did you know that no one on your father’s side of the family has ever been divorced? Did you know that no one on my side of the family has ever been divorced? Did you also know that you won’t be the first? No, you won’t be the first to bring shame on this family.’
Message delivered, message received.
That was the last time I ever brought the topic of divorce up to her.
Feeling utterly hopeless, I wept while driving back to our apartment.
Hearing, Listening and Trusting
What was most noteworthy for me while discussing my future with my mother was this:
- I fully absorbed, on a cellular level, how important it was for me to listen to my inner voice. I finally got it.
- I realized how essential it was to not only be in touch with your truth or inner self, but to trust your gut and act on it.
- The messages your conscience wants to share with you carry considerable consequences and can be life changing.
Jiminy Cricket, also known as ‘your sage conscience, lord high keeper of the knowledge of right and wrong, counselor in moments of high temptation, and guide along the straight and narrow path’ says:
‘Always let your conscience be your guide.’
That’s easy to remember, right?
It’s the action step that takes a bit more effort.
But that’s easy to remember, too…
As the wise, modern-day sports oracle Nike tells us:
‘Just do it!
Have you ignored your inner voice only to receive a negative outcome? Did you learn from that experience or was it a lesson that repeated itself in your Life? What happened which caused you to finally listen to that urging deep inside?
Email me, using the form below, to share your experience. I’d love to hear your experience.
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